Hey everyone! I know, I know it's been a while. I have been crazy busy lately...with no signs of life slowing down at all. Lately, I have been really struggling with being upset and angry. I figured it out this morning....I am letting to many things stew, without talking to anyone. So, I figured I would just pour my heart out online...kinds crazy, I know...since the whole world could see it. But, here's the thing, I need to stop caring what everyone else thinks. That is something I have struggled with my whole life. I get so concerned if people like me...and why? If you don't like me, I highly doubt anything I say or do will change that right? I try to be a good wife, mother, friend, daughther, sister...the list goes on. But, at the end of the day, not everyone in the world is going to accept me or even like me. I need to work on that a little more, but the older I get, the easier it is to let things like that go. I know that I am a good person, and I know that I try to please everyone (another thing I need to work on). I can't be everything, to every one. Here are some random things that have been weighing on me lately.
1. If you say you are going to do something, do it! It sounds simple, I know...but I feel like the world is just getting worse everyday. TAKE A STEP OUTSIDE OF YOUR OWN LIFE, maybe help someone who needs help. If you change your mind or can't do what you said, then be respectful and tell the person. I understand everyone is busy, but seriously...stop being so selfish.
2. If I am venting on Facebook...I am doing just that...venting. I know the sun will come out tomorrow, I know that it could be worse, I know that my husband has and I should be happy. I know, I got it. Let me be mad for a minute, I have a knack for bouncing back after I let it out.
3. I don't care if it's a week or a year, deployment is deployment! I understand that my husband may not be gone as long as some, I get that. But, at the end of the day, when I try and sleep and hear noises, and see my kids crying b/c the miss their daddy, or 15 things broke in that particular day. All I want is him home. I am the one who is dealing with everything. I am the one who doesn't hear his voice for months, I am the one that can't read news stories out of fear. I can't know where he is all the time, I can't tell you dates or how long he is gone...I don't want to risk his and the crew's safety. And honestly, I don't know. I am a wife, who is married, but spends lots of time away from her husband. Eventhough he is "in port" it doesn't always mean he is home. Sometimes I get jealous, b/c I see or hear about families making solid plans. I can't do that with my husband.
4. NO, I didn't vote for Obama, and NO I won't be voting for him in Nov. I can't vote for someone I don't agree with. Why would I support someone who takes away my husbands money and only "supports" the military when something major happens. And then takes the credit...that is one reason among many I won't be voting for him. I will continue to pray for him though. And, no Obamacare isn't good for everyone. These are my thoughts, I realize everyone has different ones...that is a freedom we are allowed to have...for now anyway.
5. If I want to get my kids a happy meal with fries, I should be able to. It is NOT MY problem people take their kids there everyday and their kids are overweight.
6. I am still really upset that MOPS didn't work out here. I spent a lot of time and energy working on that. I really needed that to take off, I wanted to do something to help people. It still makes me sad that I didn't have much support. I put myself out there, and I did it while James was gone. I didn't have him here to sit with me while I cried when I felt alone. It may seem like a little thing to people, but that was a huge turning point for me. It's hard to put yourself out there and then be let down. It's life, I know, but that doesn't mean it was easy for me.
Ok, I know this is not my normal, happy-go-lucky post. I am just tired of feeling overwhelmed and angry. I will work on myself and write a more exciting blog!
Love,
Sabrina
